I'm writing this post confused, sad and irritated.  I have experienced so many things and different people in my life and I am at a loss of words for what has transpired yesterday.  The following is just one day in a week of...?  I'll follow up with a post about Thanksgiving....

Yesterday, the dad of one of my sons friends chased them down the road screaming at the top of his lungs like a maniac.  They got to their friends house as fast as they could and he chased them into the yard still yelling.  They were scared to death!

The reason?

Earlier in the day they were all playing and Ed tried to do a trick with his scooter that didn't happen and the boys started laughing.  They were all practicing and playing.  I will preface this by saying that they are 8, 9, 10 and 11 years old.  Ed got upset.   Boys being boys the more upset Ed got the more they laughed at him.  Ed said that Brian called him a sissy and a baby.  He came to my house and told me Brian was calling him names and tried to brake his scooter. He got teary eyed.   Hmmm?  I told him to have my oldest son bring Brian home and I would talk to him about name calling and the scooter.  

I have learned from past experience that there are 3 truths to kids stories.  Their  truth, the exaggerated truth and what really happened!

Ed also asked why Brian had to play with them.  Brian is 8 years old and developmentally delayed.  He functions at a 5-6 year old level intellectually and has a speech impediment.   Brian picks on his brother all time when they're playing and he is no different with other kids.  He likes to joke around.  Ed doesn't like it and I explained to him that just because he is delayed I wouldn't keep from playing with other kids.  It wouldn't be fair.  He is still a normal little boy that loves to ride bikes and play.  Brian is learning appropriate behavior by playing with kids his age.  I explained this to Ed.  He told me he would give him a second chance.

Ed brought them all back to my house.  Here's the story I got.  Ed tried a trick with his scooter that failed when his handle bars came off.   All the boys laughed.  Ed got mad and jammed Brian's bike with his scooter and Brian did the same to Ed's scooter.  So that was a wash.  Then Ed said Brian called him a sissy.  That's when Wyatt (the other friend) said he called Ed a sissy not Brian.  This is good because I have never heard Brian say that word before.  Ed argued it was Brian but no, Wyatt said it was him.  I told them no name calling it wasn't nice (got a round of "yes mams") and they all rode off to play again.

End of Story? Not quite.

Ed went home and my boys kept playing with Wyatt. We live on a half loop and they boys were riding back and forth.  Ed was in his front yard playing as the boys kept laughing and playing.  They were laughing at Ed and he didn't like it. Ed's dad came out the front door yelling and started chasing at the boys.  He chased them down the road with arms in the air, yelling at the top of his lungs for the boys "to get back here" and threatened them.  They ran to Wyatt's house, it was closest.  His mom heard the yelling and her dog sounded like it was trying to attack someone.  She ran outside and saw the boys with tears in their eyes scared to death and the dad was yelling at the kids. He then started yelling at her.   She saw him chasing the boys and threatening them and told him to leave her property and her husband would deal with him when he got home.  

Part 2...one more cup of coffee!

I just started baking bread, the windows were open to air out the house (it was a beautiful day) and I heard the kids coming.   I looked out and saw Wyatts mom with them.  Oh No!  When a parent comes, somethings wrong.  I got the whole story from Renee.  She told me what I just told you and the kids were freaked out.  She said the whole thing seemed focused on Brian. She said he was screaming at the top of his lungs at Brian.  While I know he can be a handful he doesn't have malicious bone in his body. He doesn't even have the capacity to lie.  He doesn't understand the concept.  He didn't even know he did anything wrong and they all thought they were in trouble.

My husband was at work so I had to go talk to Ed's dad.  I know his mom well.  We talk when I see her walking and we get lost in talking about family and life...I walked toward her house and saw her at a neighbors and asked if I could talk to her a second.  I honestly had NO idea what I was going to say or what what to expect.  I just knew I had to find out from Ed's parents what was going on and why he didn't come to me if he had a problem with my kids.  That's what all of us parents have done in the past.  Mom was clueless.  She said she didn't know and went to get her husband.  So I waited on the steps of her porch.

My heart is starting to race as I type this (no more caffiene!...I'm still so upset).  He walked out on the porch and I explained I heard he had been chasing my kids down the road yelling at them and asked why.  I was very laid back at this point.  He was agitated.  He started in, "Oh, I finally get to meet the mother."  I have met and spoken to him on 3 different occasions. The last was Halloween. He forgot.  "Your youngest son has gotten on my last nerve, I am sick and tired of him!"   Voice raising with every word.   I was confused.  The boys have played at my house and theirs for a year and a half.  I don't let them play in the house of their friends, only in the front yards or riding.  That's it. So this man is now yelling how he has "allowed Brian to play with their toys" and he is calling Ed names and he is tired of it.  Brian rode up to me just then and the guy points in a loud voice "look there he is now"!  He had so much disdain and hate in his voice it scared me.  He accused us of no discipline, he was just yelling at the top of his lungs.

I tried to explain to him that he can't chase my kids down and yell at them.  He should come to me if he has a problem and I'll handle it.  That's when he blew his lid...he yelled with more hate than I have ever endured , "I can do whatever I want."  I yelled "why would you treat a child that way? That is no way to treat a child.  Do you yell at co-workers or friends the way you treated my kids."  He got really upset about that.  I told him about Brian's delay and he said "oh, I know all about Brian.  He and I have lots of talks.  Lots and lots of talks just him and me."  Then I got nervous.  I'm thinking what the heck is this guy talking about.  Talks?  I was yelling back.  I had enough.  He thinks he can chase my children down and do whatever he wants.  What if he had caught Brian in the midst of the chase?  (My heart is racing now!)  I put my finger in his face and told him to stay away from my kids and if I EVER see him chasing them or yelling at them I would call the police.  He didn't like me putting my finger in his face and told me to get it out of his face.  I didn't back down.  I told him no and kept doing it.

I was...a total loss of words.  This man was unstable.  He looked wild and was clearly out of control.  I told him that Ed and no one in his family were allowed to talk to my kids or go on our property.  He told me to get off his property.  I did  and he followed me to the street still yelling at me. He told me to get off his property again.  I pointed out I was on the street and there was nothing he could do.  His 17 yr. old daughter asked her dad to stop yelling and cussing at me.

I was shaking all over.  I don't do well with confrontation.  I have never had an exchange like that.  I don't even remember everything I said.  I do remember telling him he needed to calm down. This is where my husband's Psych RN experience allows me a better understanding of the mentally unstable.  He was full of hate and needed to calm down.  This is the same family that goes to church every Sunday and Ed was the one that told my sons if they don't go to church on Sunday they will burn in hell.

So my question is....

How can a grown man be provoked to chase young kids down the road yelling and threatening them if they didn't come back?

All of this happened because:
My sons and their friend picked on Ed.  They never fought or threatened any violence.  They made comments about Ed's failed trick and laughed as they rode by.  Boys being boys?  However, I still sat both of them down and explained that they hurt Ed's feelings and they shouldn't call people names.  I also explained that while their behavior wasn't acceptable, the dad was very wrong what he did.  I told them it isn't normal behavior and I consider him to be dangerous and they can no longer have any contact whatsoever with that family.  Unstable is unsafe.
 
I believe the father pin pointed Brian because he has a special needs son.  His son is 17, was unable to graduate and cannot find a job. The strain of caring for his oldest son has stressed the dad causing anger and and intolerance toward my son.   I'm obviously not a psychologist but it is the only thing that makes sense.  Oh and the fact he is obviously a very unhappy man.  How could a happy, well adjusted person act that way toward young children and defend it to the mothers?

Brian came home and once he started relaxing got a bad headache.  Stress!  He laid down with a blanket and was just quiet for an hour.  I talked to him more later.  He was afraid when the man was yelling at me and I yelled back.  It scared him.  Then one by one we all got stress headaches.  So we had a calm relaxing dinner and watched a movie together to distract the days events.

As a result, my children are no longer allowed to have any contact with anyone in the family for any reason.   I told Rose (Ed's mom) that "I'm sorry, but no one in her family will be allowed to our home, on our property or to contact the kids in any way.  I was afraid her husband could hurt my children and that I felt sorry for her and her children.  I turned and walked away in complete shock, utter disbelief....This morning I woke up mad and jittery.  Why?
 
Brian doesn't have a mean bone in his body.  He doesn't even have the capacity to lie.  Alex has tried but I always find out if he doesn't tell me.  Even when it would get him out of trouble Brian always tells me exactly what happens if he or Alex brake one of my rules.

 I have also always taught them from the time they were babies, if you tell me the truth, (if something brakes or there is a mess anything like that) before I find out, we'll fix the problem, talk about it and they won't be in trouble.  This has proven a valuable lesson.  It allows me to discuss with them how to handle whatever they were doing appropriately and they trust to tell me anything without repercussion.  They learn and grow from it and we have a greater trust in each other.  I have an open door policy that I hope feeds into the teen years.  We'll see!

Please tell me your thoughts.  I would like to hear your thoughts.  Right wrong and good or bad.  I need a sounding board that is impartial.

Peace to You and Yours!