Simplify

Life is complicated.  For anyone that is knee deep in life it's complicated.  There is no way around it. I love the word Simplify (note the sarcasm).  I question it's meaning and if anything really is simple.   A life devoid of complex situations and perhaps emotions and I suppose life could be perfectly simple.


But to live is to go out on a branch. Sometimes a calculated risk will suffice with a safety net.
However, in the dark, with no promise of light, there may be faith that when you step out of your comfort zone you will be just fine "in the dark" and faith can see you through unimaginable unforeseen circumstances.  I am a testament to this.  I've come back older and wiser but with a safety net tucked safely away for future use.  Because any rational person knows that even the simplified version of life isn't without risk.  Not really.

In the midst of adversity I find myself calm and able to take care of the things that will shred my stomach and cause a massive headache once resolved.  



There is little peace once everything is settled.  My anxiety about the could haves and should haves overwhelm me and "Simplify" is a cruel joke that someone decided to paint on wood planks and plant on the shelves of every store for shoppers to purchase and hope that placed in just the right spot in their home, they will find a way to live a simple life that truly does not exist.  




My father is on hospice care suffering the effects of lung cancer and it's minions; COPD, Emphysema, renal failure and old age.  He has lived a full long life.  I was there for part of it.  Now that he is on hospice I live 1300 miles away.  Thank heavens for my step mother and step sisters. They are close by and  wonderful caregivers.  I procrastinate calling as I know with each call he grows weaker and all I can do is tell him I love him.  It isn't enough but it's all I can offer.

So things happen in 3's. This morning our tenant called.  The fridge is blowing warm air.  So we called Lowe's and one will be delivered tomorrow.  Yes we just paid off that Lowe's card. Oh well!

I've been applying for jobs as a CNA at local hospitals. This morning I looked at the status of several applications I posted at one hospital and 3 were "not accepted".  It's hard to look myself in the mirror and see a 49 year old woman that isn't qualified to do bed pans and take vitals.  This is me having a pity party. Sorry!  It's humbling.

My bank emailed to tell me I am overdrawn on my business account due to a company charging me $428.00 for a another year of service that I never asked for.  So I called that company up and was transferred to 3 different departments and spoke to very friendly and apologetic Indians that couldn't understand me and I couldn't understand them.  It took an hour to get to the right department and have them cancel the subscription...One girl thought I wanted another year of the year past installed.  Sigh!

There are many other concerns I won't divulge, that are even more perplexing and even sad...but these things I keep in my heart.  It's safest there, where a heavy duty safety net holds everything together so nothing spills out and makes a mess.  It's best this way.

So my New Years Resolution for 2016 is to...Simplify!