If there was a book, I'd read it to make sure I get it right

I have a daughter.  A beautiful, smart, engaging young lady that I barely know.  If I had known her, her entire life, I could not be more proud.  I don't know that I could say the same.   I have regrets and they are all purely selfish.  I was the vessel that carried her into this world.

All of the virtues she embraces are the product of years of love, dedication and sacrifice poured into her by her mother.  I wish I could include her adopted father but, in my opinion, he abandoned her.  I am still trying to find a way to wrap my brain around this.  How can a man that struggled for years to have a child with his wife and go through failed adoptions just walk away?  How could he turn his back on the precious treasure I entrusted to his love and care?  He let Steff down and he let me down.  It was in the care of a complete, loving family that I gave her and he broke his promise.  Trust is a big deal to me.  It kind of means, everything.   If you can't offer trust what do you stand for? Who are you?  I don't know him, but character speaks volumes.    

I never thought of myself as my mother or father's daughter.  Perhaps because my mom died when I was young. My dad quickly remarried and seemed more interested in his new family.  I can't say I've been a great daughter and my dad didn't exactly keep in touch when I left home at 17.  Does it go both ways?  Are we the product of each others hopes and expectations not being met?   I love my dad dearly and I know he loves me too.  I find it ironic that my dad detached from me when I was 15 and Steff's dad detached when she was 12.  Luckily, she has a loving and dedicated mom.  It's so important.  Family is so important!  

I am a mom to two young boys and yet, now that Steffani found me I look at myself a little differently.  It is interesting to envision yourself through the eyes of a child you have never met.  What do I seem like?  What does it feel like to talk to a woman that gave birth to you but is a stranger?  Luckily, I will be meeting her next week and there is so much I want to share with her and know about her.  All in good time.  She isn't a young girl that is impressionable.  She is her own person that has a zest for life that is reminiscent of me at her age.   We have the same interests in travel, design and architecture.  I am so happy that she wanted to find me, found me and keeps in touch with me.

If my mom can see me, which I believe she can, I hope that I am the daughter she hoped me to be.  I hope I am a mom Steff would have thought me to be.  The daughter I never knew until 2 months ago.  Life is amazing if you let it be.

Thanks for reading.  

Peace to You and Yours!